#((btw he's absolutely NOT actually self-aware. he has zero ideas why he's dealing with a fear of commitment at this age))

[spring-lxcked]

@florietiae asked: ❝ ‘spill the tea.’ / from rachel! ❞ ( send me ‘spill the tea’ for my muse to talk about an ex )

A small curve of the lips met the prompting. "So, it's my turn now?" He rubbed at his cheek, the notebook he had been sketching concepts in left behind as he considered it. "Well, I've never been in a relationship like this." He made some vague hand gesture. "Committed, I mean. Long-term." He had gone on a date or two in secondary school but, well, he hadn't been a very appealing partner. Something he didn't intend to voice to Rachel.

"There was someone when I first got here." America, university—all of it. "I met him when I was moving in. He was down the hall. I don't know, it just. . . happened." William had suppressed his attraction to men for years, but leaving everything behind had left him surprisingly ready to explore that side of himself. "It's not a very interesting story. He was my first—everything. Except actual partner." He flashed a weak smile. Guilt? Almost. "The first time he brought up commitment, I walked away. Completely ignored him whenever I saw him until he graduated last year." A sigh passed his lips. ( Would he ever get used to opening up? ) "Not because he was a man. I've done the same thing to. . . everyone, except you." He placed his elbow on the table, cheek rested in hand. Attempting to look more comfortable than he felt. "So, how bad does that sound?" A pause, false smile finally fading. "I wouldn't do that to you. I couldn't."